The early days

It was so difficult at first. I was thirsty all the time, so much so that it hurt. My throat burned until I drank blood.
“You must come to my surgery, every morning, early,” said Talbot. “And every evening, after hours.”
The sachets of human blood he gave helped. I gulped down three or four every morning and every evening. It stopped the burn until about two hours before the next feed. Then it was absolute torture.
“You must keep away from people when you get the burn,” said Talbot. “If you get desperate, you can try an animal. Nobody’s pet, mind. And bury the evidence of anything you kill.”
The burn started early one day after school. I was sitting next to Melissa on the bus. I could smell her flesh. All I could do was stare at the whiteness of her neck and imagine my fangs sinking into it and the blood spurting out. And I imagined it gliding down my throat and the burn subsiding.
“Don’t look at people with hungry eyes,” Talbot said. “For then your eyes will give away what you are.”
I remembered his words just in time. Melissa turned to me. “Jesus, you’re scaring me Fyonah,” she said. “The way you’re looking at me.”
The mention of the so-called son of God was enough to make me shudder and to make the burn disappear. But that only lasted seconds and then the ache in my throat was back.
I focussed on the bag she had on her lap. It was full of books and I thought of the homework we’d been given and how I’d have all night to do it once I’d been to Talbot. I wish I could have checked my eyes to see whether they were still glowing. Impossible of course. We have no reflections.
“You’ll have to fool people that you’re eating,” said Talbot. “And you’ll have to be quiet at night. Keep away from mirrors.”
I learnt to manage that. I became skilled at stuffing my mouth with food and emptying it later. I learnt to creep about softer than a kitten. And gradually I got used to my new strength.
“Touch everything as if it is made of egg-shells and be as gentle with people as if they were babies,” he said.
I learnt it all, gradually. There was just one thing: I could not get used to the intense feelings I now had for Talbot. I wanted him to touch me again, that way. I wanted to feel again the excitement of his frenzied feeding, only have the excitement be for something else. I wanted him to need me.
But he remained forever the caring family doctor.

Cornered

You see, Talbot saw me go into the alley. He called me. I couldn’t resist going back to see him. What might happen? Me all on my own and the best-looking doctor ever. Better than those lanky losers from the boys’ school.

They came at me from behind. I didn’t see them. I didn’t hear them. They were just suddenly there. They were pawing at me, pulling at my clothes and pushing me. One of them pinned up against the wall.
Then Talbot was there. I couldn’t figure out at first how he got there so quickly. I know now, of course.
But he was too late.

One of them had banged my head really hard against the wall.
It’s all a bit hazy, but I do remember their faces as they saw Talbot arriving. They screamed and they ran.
Talbot was holding me.
“No,” I heard him whisper. “No!”
He screamed. I’ve never heard anything like it. It sounded inhuman.
There was a bright light shining above him. It seemed to be pulling me towards it. I knew I was dying.
“You can save me,” I said. “You’re a doctor.”
“There’s nothing that 21st century medicine can do to save you,” he said. “Nothing in my power as a doctor.”
“Please,” I begged.
I didn’t want to die. They say your whole life flashes in front of you when you’re dying. Mine did. Though not the life I’d had, as you might imagine, but the life I still wanted to have.
“I don’t want to die,” I mumbled.
“I can do something,” he said, his voice all husky.
I was getting sleepy. But I still knew: I wanted to live.
“You can still live here. It won’t be quite the same. You won’t be the same at all. There’ll be some pain.”
“Please let me live,” I whispered.

It wasn’t like they say in all the books. How can I describe it? It was a bit like making love. As he bit into my neck, I felt a jolt of energy and then as he feasted I actually felt all the pain they’d given me melting away and being replaced by a strange energy. I felt lighter and stronger as he fed.
He was excited. How a man gets excited when he’s with a woman I thought then and now know. And the excitement spread to me. I pulled him closer and encouraged him to feed more violently.

No, it wasn’t like in all the books. It didn’t burn. It didn’t hurt. It made me feel good.

The pain came later.

That’s the reason you need to keep away from Talbot. And from me actually. Because of what came later.

What Talbot did

Yeah. I’ve been hesitating to tell you. Even now. After all this time. Even though I’m quite used to it. Even like it, really. Especially now that I have Patrick.
And yeah. I got to be like the rest of them. Drooling over Dr Talbot.
It was the day I had the mega argument with Mummy and Daddy. And I mean mega. Of course, it was about the Irish dancing. It would be, wouldn’t it? They wanted me to go to the show with Aunt Kitty. Tamsin was dancing in the youth section. I hate Tamsin. She‘s so good at everything. It’s Tamsin did this and Tamsin did that, and did you know, how good Tamsin is at this, that and the other? I used to feel sorry for her. Her daddy died when she was just five. Aunt Kitty was a mess for years. But now she’s so spoilt and so up her herself. Everybody fusses about her. She can dance though. And that makes it worse. I gave up the dancing when I went to high school. I used to like it, but I was only average.
No, I didn’t want to go and watch her swanking again. I wanted to go to the social at the boys’ school. All the others were going.
“You will not be going to that place filled with rampant young male hormones,” shouted Daddy. His face was bright red and he’s screwed his eyes up so they looked little and mean, just like always when he’s angry.
“You will obey your father,” Mummy cried. “And you know your cousin needs your support.”
“She doesn’t need my bloody support,” I answered. “She’s got everybody and she can dance as well.”
“Fyonah McBride,” said Daddy, getting even redder if that is possible, “you will not use language like that it in this house.”
I think he went to hit me. His arm was definitely raised.
“Donald, no,” shouted Mummy.
But I got out before he could touch me. “You’re damned right,” I shouted “I’ll use what frigging language I like. Because I won’t ever be in this house again.”
And so I went to the social at the boys’ school.
It was actually incredibly boring.
All the others got off with the skanky, pimply lads there. Oh, I had approaches enough, thank you very much. They were all so thin and awkward, though, and most of them were smelly. Either too much deodorant or not enough. They didn’t seem to know what to say. You see, by now I was sooooo in love with Talbot. He was a real man. He wouldn’t be awkward. He’d know what to do.
And because I’d not made proper arrangements about how to get home, I had to walk. Of course I took the short cut through alley off Park lane.
You see, Talbot is dangerous. If he hadn’t have made me love him, if I’d have got off with one of the lads, if I hadn’t turned when he called, if I hadn’t have been on my own….
Yes, it was Talbot that did this to me.
But it might not be quite how you think.
I wouldn’t be here at all if it wasn’t for Talbot. He rescued me.